It may appear that the philosophy behind Tantra is that one should refrain from intercourse. While the continuing practice of Tantra aims to move you beyond the need for intercourse, it is certainly not a practice that is discouraged. What we seek to address is that intercourse alone does not constitute the totality of your sexuality. The act of intercourse has been discussed to such an extent that most people tend to regard it as the sexual focal point, which it isn’t.
As you may have discovered in these pages, there is an amazing variety of choices when it comes to exploring and sharing your sexuality, of which intercourse is but one aspect.
If any activity you and your beloved find yourselves involved in leads you to genital penetration, then let it happen with that same spirit of connectedness as the rest of your lovemaking, rather than by forcing the issue.
In many books intercourse is presented as a technique – which position is best, how long it should go on for, whether to have the lights on and so on. There is no shortage of advice that goes into graphic detail on the multiplicity if ways in which a man can insert his lingam into his beloved’s yoni. According to the Karma Sutra, there are 64 different ways of making love and some of them may require the flexibility of a contortionist.
However, most people who are loving and open about their sexuality tend to discover which positions are most comfortable for them without the need of a manual, These days it seems that too much importance is placed on the gymnastic variations one must attempt in order to gain sexual satisfaction.
Intercourse is more than putting your head down and just ‘going for it’. Rather than being a sprint, it is more a soft and sensual long-distance run in which you allow your connection to flow languidly like a river.
Moreover, there are many people who can only make love in the dark. This is because they have self-esteem issues around their bodies and wish to use the darkness as a security blanket. In Tantra, making love in the dark is a highly erotic occurrence, because it allows you to focus and explore the full range of sensual delights inherent in your beloved.
But, unless you are comfortable making love with the lights on, making love in the dark will always be a cover-up.
The ultimate outcome of Tantra is not just sex-it is meditation, and when sex, especially intercourse, transcends to a meditative level, then it becomes the ecstatic experience that it is meant to be.
Here is an exercise that will show you how to harness your sexual energy. For you to be able to maintain your energetic and spiritual fusion, the most satisfying position will invariably be face to face, either man or woman on top, seated (woman on man’s top) or lying side by side. Being in any of these positions will allow you to synchronise your breathing, kiss and caress each other and maintain eye contact, all of which make up the key components of the overall act of making love.
Let your bodies unite, becoming one with the other, not only by merging physically, but also by linking your energies. For within your orgasmic duality, no matter which position you have intercourse in, you and your beloved will still become one unity, locked together in mutual ecstasy.
As discussed previously, for the man, the need to ejaculate may surface. At this point remember it’s okay to ask your beloved to stop moving and to breathe into the feeling. With a little practice, the need to ejaculate will begin to subside, but in so doing, you will start to generate another energy known as the valley orgasm, which starts in stillness rather than evolving out of activity.
It will begin like a surge of pleasure throughout your bodies, as you both start to vibrate. When this happens, keep breathing together, simultaneously or alternatively.
The man draws the energy in through his heart and out through his lingam, while the woman draws the breath in through her yoni and out through her heart. Once you master this way of sharing the breath, it can take you to a higher plateau.
As you let go into the union, remember to stay present in the moment, maintaining eye contact with your beloved. For some people this may take some getting used to. However, by starting with a few seconds at a time, you will slowly work your way up to where you are able to keep your eyes open naturally. This will allow each of you to look at the other during intercourse, giving your lovemaking a much deeper perspective as you observe the change that occurs in your beloved’s face, seeing the love in their eyes, being a part of their ecstasy. Eventually you will feel the heat of energy building up, to the point where you lose yourself in a surge of high-voltage orgasmic bliss.
When this happens, surrender into it, extending the encounter by staying in your body and that of your beloved.
In other words: Go with the flow.