You have no doubt heard that the experienced Tantrika can make love for hours. Well, yes and no. Even sex can become tedious when prolonged for long periods of time. Some of the most intense and powerful sexual liaisons can be had in minutes as long as there is mutual satisfaction.
In the desire to prolong a sexual encounter, it is important to note that, in Tantra, the woman’s orgasm is her own responsibility. While withholding ejaculation during intercourse can be a factor in extending her experience, primary objective is to enhance the man’s pleasure as well as the woman’s, as orgasm and ejaculation are two distinct and separate experiences.
The best way to withhold ejaculation, when you feel it coming on, is to stop any movement and breathe deeply, drawing the breath in and out through your ‘PC muscle’ (This is the muscle located at the base of the testicles and the anus. When urinating, you can feel it by stopping the flow). Allow yourself to relax as the need to ejaculate subsides. At the same time, you will experience a warm glow around the genital area which is the subtle transferring of energy and the first stage of a total body orgasm.
Each time you stop and allow the feeling of ejaculation to pass, your orgasmic sensations will be further internalised. You may start to feel a vibration throughout your body. Try not to suppress this, instead, allow your body to relax upon exhaling.
With a little practice, you will find the need to ejaculate becoming less frequent as the connection with you beloved deepens. Do not be afraid to communicate with your partner. For the woman, when your beloved telIs you to ‘hold on’, respect his wish because you not only want to share the moment but to also intensify it.
But, remember, every now and again you may feel a real desire to let go and when this happens, the ensuing release will be literally explosive. The build-up in sexual energy that is the result of non-ejaculation will not only heighten your overall pleasure but will make you, as a man, more aware of your orgasmic potential.
In the heat of passion as you ride the wave of orgasm, you will discover that it is one of life’s great affirmations. As a metaphor, it is likened to riding a wave that grows through the subtle shifting of energy like ripples through your body. It is the state of mindlessness when your entire being becomes totally ethereal. Literally, time stands still and you slip into pure meditation. In Tantra, orgasm is not something that is localised in the genitals, but something that can encompass your body in absolute totality.
The more you are in tune with yourself and your beloved, the more orgasmic you’ll become. The same is true for both men and women because one of the beauties of Tantra is that it takes the pressure off the man to perform.
In Tantric and Taoist teachings, ejaculation is described as dropping your seed on the ground. This interpretation does have a ring of truth about it because ejaculation releases not just energy, but also desire. Withholding ejaculation allows you to retain your sexual energy, giving you a renewed sense of vitality and vibrancy.
But, as we have discovered, a man need not even use his penis when making love. Moreover, he can not only have an orgasm without ejaculating, he can have an orgasm without an erection.
This is not to suggest that a man should never ejaculate; rather, it is more of a control over when to do so. There will be many instances where, after a prolonged period of lovemaking or even abstinence, the build-up of energy is such that the only way to put yourself into a state of resolution is to surrender to the impulse.
For both men and women, as these sensations take hold, start breathing into the feeling, usually in the area of the genitals or lower belly. Draw the breath up through the PC muscle so that it merges with the orgasmic sensation.
For a man, this will not only assist you in controlling your ejaculation, but will also allow you to experience orgasmic release throughout your body. Relaxing into the process, allow the energy to move you. All you have to do is to place your trust in the higher self, and you’ll find your body will virtually take over as your breathing increases its rapidity and your mind empties.
The more you let the feeling flow, the more intense it will become. Surrender to the union with your partner, as you discover your mutual energies becoming intertwined inside each other.
You will be encircled by an invisible energy field that draws you together in harmonious splendour… a state of abandonment that may last for minutes, or if you allow it, almost indefinitely.
Don’t fight it.
Ecstasy is good for you.